Forgiveness A Time Could Cease To Exist Outtake
by IwishEdwardwasreal
Summary: Jasper's POV of the reunion with Edward and Bella in Denali. What was he thinking? Read to find out


**A/N: So I got to thinking about what Jasper might have been thinking when Bella and Edward were reunited with the family is Denali. He hated himself for what he did and though he desperately needed forgiveness, he never thought he would actually receive it. These are his thoughts.**

**Thanks to everyone who continues to read my story. I love you guys!**

Jasper

"Five minutes." Alice chirped.

I was immediately inundated by a surge of emotions from everyone in the room. Bella and Edward were on their way here after flying in from Brazil. They would be here in five minutes, according to Alice. Which meant they would be here in five minutes. Only five minutes to prepare myself for what was to come.

Bella and Edward had finally found their way back together again. More accurately, Bella had found Edward and rescued him from his self-imposed misery. She had gone to pull him out from the depths of despair as he languished in South America and in a few short moments they would be walking through those doors to be reunited with all of us.

I read the emotions of my family as they waited, some slightly more patient than others.

Carlisle and Esme were overjoyed that their family was being brought back together. They had both felt Edward and Bella's loss keenly. Esme's sadness had been heartbreaking to endure and Carlisle, though always so outwardly calm, had felt deep sorrow that Edward was suffering so much. The delight they both radiated now was almost overpowering in its intensity.

Emmett was excited and just a little mischievous, no doubt thinking of all the teasing and pranks he had in store for the couple. I had missed feeling the impish delight I felt now radiating from Emmett. When we had left Forks and then after Edward had continued to stay away from the family I had felt the carefree excitement slowly fade from Emmett's demeanor. Though Edward was technically older than all except Carlisle and me, Emmett still considered himself the big brother of the family. His first instinct was to protect and defend. But there had been nothing he could do about Edward's unhappiness and it had hurt him deeply to feel so impotent. I had to watch as his laughter slowly died, becoming less frequent and his spirit lose its buoyancy. Now that not only Edward but Bella as well were returning I could feel the complete change in his disposition. He was regaining that irrepressible essence that was Emmett.

Rose's feelings were a surprise to me. She had never really warmed to Bella, fearing the disruption that she would cause to our family. But now after hearing about the lengths that Bella had gone to find Edward I could feel a shift in the way she regarded Bella. There was pride and a smattering of sisterly affection now when Bella's name was brought up. If I had to guess I would say that she was impressed with Bella's nerve. No one else had been able to bring Edward back to the family and the fact that Bella had accomplished it had earned her some respect in Rose's eyes. Family was important to Rose and though she and Edward were constantly at odds I know that she loved him like a brother and had missed him more than she let anyone know. It had hurt her to know that he was in so much pain, even more so since she could do nothing about it. Now Edward was returning to the family and she was grateful to have her family together again.

Alice of course could hardly contain her excitement. She had seen all of this happen of course but she still bounced around constantly, her exuberant spirit taking over. I tried to keep her as calm as possible but some of that excitement still leaked out.

The Denali clan was curious about this human that affected us all to such a degree. When Alice had informed us they would be arriving today the effect had been instantaneous. Alice and Esme were in a state of complete joy, unable to keep the smiles from their faces. Emmett was excited and Rose appeared indifferent but was looking forward to seeing Edward again. Carlisle was more relaxed and smiled much more often. Of all of us, Carlisle and Edward's bond was the strongest. His absence had affected Carlisle deeply and his return had filled him with a deep satisfaction.

The Denali's were surprised that there was so much fuss over a human. Even though they shared our vegetarian diet and despite the intimate contact that Tanya and her sisters had with human males, Edward and Bella's relationship was an enigma to them. A vampire falling in love with a human without turning them was unheard of. Throw in how intensely Edward was affected by Bella's blood and they were completely baffled that he pursued a relationship with her.

But they didn't know Bella. She had affected all of us in ways she was completely unaware of.

Esme finally had someone to completely lavish all her love and motherly affection on. She of course lavished it on all of us but since the youngest of us, Emmett, was in his seventies it wasn't the same. But Bella was still a child to her, a daughter who was lacking motherly affection from Renee. Edward had told us that Bella had to play the adult role with her mother and now Esme was able to step in and mother Bella the way Esme wanted and Bella needed.

Emmett had gained a little sister to protect and watch over. Though Alice was tiny she could still lift a Buick with one hand and didn't need Emmett's protection they same way Bella did. Bella was fragile, even more so than she believed she was and Emmett loved allowing his protective instincts take over and keep her safe. And of course he found her human reactions completely hilarious and considered it a bad day if he did not get the chance to tease her at least once.

Carlisle was delighted that Edward had finally found a mate and that she was someone we could all be proud to acknowledge as a member of the family. Edward had been alone a long time and it pleased Carlisle to see him so happy.

Rose, though she did not trust Bella in the beginning, could not help being gratified by the changes that Bella had wrought in Edward.

I wished Bella could see the changes in Edward that we had all seen since he met her. Reserved by nature, Edward could come off as sullen and aloof, but in reality he was very generous and self-sacrificing. It was difficult living with three pairs of perfectly matched lovers. Super hearing is not what it is cracked up to be when those lovers are having intimate moments. Couple that with Edward's ability to hear what those couples were thinking in those moments and I'm sure it was difficult to endure. He hardly complained though, other than the occasional sarcastic comment, choosing only to remove himself from the house when things became too much for him.

He went out of his way to help us prepare special surprises for our respective mates and tried to give us as much privacy in our own minds as possible. It was difficult for him, knowing what everyone was thinking all the time. Hearing our thoughts about our spouses and not having one of his own affected him deeply, though he never let on to the others. But I felt his deep loneliness, especially when everyone around him was wrapped up with their mates. He despaired that he would ever find someone to love. He felt that with his ability to read their mind that he would never be able to be truly intimate with anyone else. Sometimes knowing _exactly_ what someone is thinking at any given moment can be very hindering.

His gift isolated him from everyone but denied him the ability to ever be completely alone in his own head unless he was miles and miles away from civilization. People take silence for granted, even fear it sometimes. But Edward never had the luxury of silence. He could block out thoughts but there was always a dull hum in the back of his head. He had never found complete silence-until Bella.

She had given him his first bit of peace in ninety years. She allowed him to be able to just… be. He could have his mind all to himself and I knew it was something he appreciated. He often wished that he could hear her thoughts but I know that he enjoyed the reprieve that her silent mind gave him.

If that was all that Bella had done for him it would be amazing in and of itself. But Fate had other ideas and the two of them had fallen in love. That night, after Edward had taken Bella to his meadow and came home to change his clothes when she was asleep-well there were no words strong enough to describe the feelings that were pouring off of him. Delight, joy, elation; they were all too trite to encompass the overwhelming love and adoration for Bella that filled him.

When he told us that she had said that she loved him too the emotions that came from him had almost knocked me down in their intensity. I was not able to contain all that love inside of me and had been forced to broadcast it to everyone in the house. It had made for a very interesting night.

But Edward-he was completely transformed. Constantly smiling, which in and of itself was amazing. But after the meadow with Bella he had been filled with a…lightness. His spirit was lifted. Gone was the brooding Edward that everyone had gotten used to and in his place was a warm and playful Edward who radiated happiness and contentment to all of us. He laughed more, played and wrestled more often and showered all of us with more affection than I had ever seen from him. And it was all because of Bella.

Then I had to ruin it. Despite all the people I had killed, despite all the carnage I had seen, the destruction and death I'd had a part in during my years in the vampire wars I count that night as the worst night of my entire existence. Not only because I lost control and tried to kill Bella, but because of the devastation that lapse in control had caused. My entire family had been ripped apart. The light that had sparkled in Edward's eyes had flickered and died as he realized just how much danger Bella was in around us. That _I_ had been the one to kill that light hurt me almost as much as my transformation into a vampire. I never thought that I would be the one to destroy Edward's happiness.

He never blamed me, saying that it could have happened to any of us. I had wished he would rail against me, call me every terrible name he could think of, try to tear me limb from limb. But he didn't. He forgave me. That was worse than any revenge I could think of. I had completely annihilated his happiness and he had just clapped his hand on my shoulder and told me that it wasn't my fault.

I was filled with so much self-loathing I had to constantly escape from the house, going deep into the forest to release my pent up anger and self-disgust. I roared, I sobbed, I cried non-existent tears, hating myself for the havoc I had created from my lapse in control.

I'd had to watch as my family slowly fell apart at the seams. We were together and we tried to make the best of things but we failed miserably.

Edward was inconsolable. His decision to leave Bella destroyed him, even though he was doing it _for_ her. I knew how completely and irrevocably he loved her and now he would be separated from the one person who had given his life meaning. The anguish he felt caused me actual physical pain. Knowing I was the catalyst for all this pain made it worse. As horrible as it sounds I was secretly glad that he left after we moved to Denali. I loved my brother dearly but the pain he felt was driving me to madness. He tried to contain it, put on a brave front for the rest of the family but they all knew how much he was suffering.

But after he left the emotions of the rest of my family were just as strong. Everyone missed him. They lamented his absence, sympathized with his pain and felt helpless in the face of it. I had to isolate myself from all of them more and more, leaving the house for extended periods of time with only Alice as my companion.

Alice. My love, my heart, my life. I would never have been able to endure any of this without her. She was my rock, my balance. She always knew when I needed to be alone, when I needed her company or her embrace. Even without her gift I knew she would always be what I needed when I needed it.

When Bella had her accident Alice had been frantic. I did not agree with her interference, fearing the emotional trauma that could be inflicted on both of them by Alice's return. But Bella was Alice's best friend, even now that they had been parted, and there was nothing that would have kept her away.

Of all the changes that Bella had caused in our family I would always be the most grateful for how happy she had made Alice. Very few were aware of how lonely Alice truly was. Her bright personality and abundant energy gave most the impression that she was completely content. But I knew that deep down she wanted a friend, a confidant. She knew she could tell me anything and she frequently did but she had no real girlfriends. Rose was not really approachable in that way and Esme was more of a mother than a friend.

When Alice had her vision of Bella in our lives I could feel the change in her instantly. She was filled with hope that Bella would be the piece of her soul that she was missing. When Edward had finally allowed them to meet she had been ecstatic. And as Bella and Alice had become closer and closer I could feel the cold hard ball of loneliness leave Alice. She finally felt complete. I would be forever thankful to Bella for filling that empty place in Alice.

Now I was standing here, listening to the sound of the car coming down the drive, waiting for Bella and Edward to come in and reunite with the family. I could feel Bella's nervousness and anxiety. I knew she detested attention but she had nothing to worry about with us. We all loved her. We had loved her before but now that she had brought Edward back to us we adored her. No one, not even Edward himself, had realized how big a part he played in this family until he was gone.

Alice's excitement hit a fever pitch when she heard the car stop and she was out the door before anyone could blink. I could hear her jump into Edward's arms and hug him. He was filled with appreciation, all directed at Alice. I imagined that he was forgiving her for her interference in sending Bella to him.

I had purposely avoided Bella on that trip. I felt such shame in my actions I could not face her. I knew that no matter how good and selfless she was there was no way she would want to see me, that she must blame me for destroying her happiness.

The trio made their way up the stairs and into the house. Bella looked around, taking in the entire family before Esme approached her. Bella was filled with trepidation until Esme spoke to her and engulfed her in a hug. Carlisle hugged her as well, calling her his daughter and I felt Bella's relief at their warm welcome. Did she really believe that she would not be welcome? After all that she had done for us? Incredible.

I looked at Edward. _I want to apologize. Is that okay?_

I was not sure if Edward would allow me to be that close to Bella again. But I needed to do this. I knew I was in control.

Edward nodded to me and I instantly relaxed.

Alice pushed me forward, knowing what I wanted to do. I went to stand in front of Edward and the entire room tensed, not sure of his reaction. He pulled me forward into a bear hug to rival any of Emmett's. He felt no animosity towards me, only brotherly affection for which I was grateful.

I looked towards Bella and asked him mentally again if it was alright. He nodded again and I turned towards her. The room tensed again.

I looked into her eyes and felt no fear in her, only the same shyness she exuded when she was around a large group of people or the center of attention. She actually smiled at me.

I took her hand in mine, startled for a moment by the pleasant warmth of it.

"Bella, I am so very sorry for what happened on your birthday. I swear to you that I will never ever hurt you. Can you ever forgive me for what happened?" I looked at her, awaiting her response. _Please? _I asked in my head. I did not realize until this moment just how much her forgiveness meant to me, though I did not deserve it.

She surprised me by engulfing my hand in her two tiny ones and looking into my eyes.

"I forgave you the moment it happened, Jasper. I know that you would never harm me. Please don't give it another thought."

Then most startling of all she reached up and hugged me. I could feel waves of forgiveness and affection pouring out of her and I was stunned into motionlessness for a second before hugging her back.

To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. How could she not blame me? How could she forgive me so easily? She hugged me. _Me!_ How could she trust me so much when I did not trust myself? I could not wrap my mind around it but I was elated and relieved at the same time.

"Welcome back to the family, little sister." I felt her joy at my words.

I had underestimated her. I knew I was not the first to do so and would not be the last. I'd underestimated her kindness, her loving nature, her selflessness. All the things that Edward loved in his mate I loved in my new sister. She was such a compliment to Edward. She took him out of himself, made him a better person, made him _want _to be a better person, for her. She fit in our family perfectly. She had altered us all, changing us in ways we never knew we needed until they happened.

She had changed me and I did not even realize how much until now. I had always felt like an outsider in this family. With the exception of Alice and me everyone in our coven had been changed by Carlisle. They were _his_ family. Alice being Alice had integrated herself among everyone so much that she was part of the family. No one could resist her.

But I had always felt separate from them, my only connection to them being Alice. I loved them all and would do anything for them but sometimes the emotions of six rather volatile vampires became too much and I had to get away. It kept me on the outskirts.

But Bella had never seen me as an outsider, probably because she was one herself. She never saw me as a single entity; she saw me as a Cullen. I realized now that we shared a unique bond. Two people who were taken into this family and made a part of it uncondtionally. No matter where we were or what we were doing we were accepted, loved and protected by the rest of the family. It took Bella to make me see that. To see that I _was_ part of the family. I felt for the first time like I belonged somewhere. It was a heady feeling.

And I owed it all to Bella.


End file.
